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observation de vous;

observation de moi
on isolé tiennent le premier rôle
vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes
j'ai vous ai toujours aimé
mais vous avez pris mon amour pour accordé
parole au revoir

the 4 hearts

an almost perfect lady.

August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008

have you ever wondered when life has finally gotten the better of you? i have. i feel like i am completely not in control of myself. i feel like i am submitting myself to whatever comes and not making any effort to change anything despite knowing the consequences. and right now, i feel like one of those kinds of people i despise. not in any favour to complain but i do feel like. who do i turn to if i just feel like ranting all out? i know my best friend's always going to be around. no matter what. and i sometimes do feel like turning to him. and sometimes i do.

but then there are other times when i feel like he isn't the one i want to turn to. sometimes i feel like turning to you. but do you know that it is so hard to? do you find that sad? because i do. i hear your voice but can you read my eyes? because i don't know how in any verbal way, can i let you know how i feel. you have never ever before whispered sweet nothings. because you have never heard them before, have you? i keep thinking of you as my best friend. i keep thinking that you are going to let me shout when i am irritated and think that you will not be angry. i keep thinking that it is okay to hurl vulgarities at you when i am angry and you will not matter at all. i keep thinking of you as who you aren't. and it has come to a point where it is so difficult for me to change these thoughts.

you have changed my life in a way you could have never imagined. and everything about that from then on made you look so perfect to me. but because i think you are so perfect, i feel unable to rise to the status which you want me to. its incomparable. incomparable to you. and to HER. and it is so hard for me to live up to the status. sometimes when the spot gets so tight, i just want to run from you. do you know? it scares me how people can be so perfect. it scares me how when i see perfect people, i feel nothing of myself. it makes me feel worthless. do you know? because if you say you do know, then you must be very cold-hearted. for even though you know, you do not show any empathy at all. nothing. all i feel is emptiness. and to tell you all these, to hear what you have to say; that's when i feel so useless in every way. they say you should support each other no matter what through thick and thin right? but we don't support each other. at all. you can't say you do when i don't feel anything.

it's the way you make me feel a whole new degree of worst when i am already feeling the worst.


p.s. why then, do i still see you as perfect?

- everything's just temporary;
9:24 PM